You look great today, She said to me looking upward from the bed, her face peeking out from underneath the covers playfully hiding from the sun.
I feel like a mess, I said back suddenly aware of my unkempt beard and need to run a thousand miles and squat a million squats.
I read what you wrote and I love it, Someone wrote to me over Facebook messenger.
It’s not as good as it could be, I typed back alone in my studio apartment doing my best to block out my neighbor’s vocal warmups while I re-count my rejection letters hoping for Russian interference.
Your photography is great, He mentioned over coffee.
It’s no Steve McCurry, I scoff sprinkling Stevia into my acidic coffee house java that will almost definitely cause digestive problems later in the morning while comparing myself to Nat-Geo’s Insta-feed.
You seem like you’re in a good place, She offered in passing after the meeting enjoying a muffin I silently disapprove of.
Well my car was totaled and I’ve been out of work for almost a year, I mention back followed by one of those emotionless smiles that exist only on the lips, waiting for my ride to quit being so goddamn chatty.
Okay just stop, I tell myself. Let’s try something different today.
Let’s let it in.
When offered, don’t shun it away. When smiled at, don’t avoid it. When loved, don’t negate it. Don’t pretend like it’s all a lie. They deserve better than that.
Isn’t part of living a good life accepting the good when it comes? I passive-aggressively ask myself.
Okay, I profess with my hands up to myself in semi-faux surrender, I will give it my best today. I’ll let it in.
I will let all of it in.